A Secret Hell
by DarkandtwistyGirl
Summary: Teenchester! Since moving to Cedar Rapids, Sam's life has spiraled out of control. Will anyone be able to save Sam, when he can't save himself? Involves sexual abuse, violence, self-harm, attempted suicide! *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. But christmas is almost here, so maybe? Who am I kidding? Kripke will never give them away, I sure wouldn't.**

**This is just a dark little idea that I had running around in my head, please let me know what you think.**

**Enjoy!**

**Dean is nineteen, Sam is almost sixteen in this fic.**

* * *

It is early in the morning, about seven thirty. And Sam is sitting alone in their latest motel room, at the Shady Acres Motel in Cedar Rapids, putting off getting ready for school as long as he can.

He doesn't know where Dean is, and lately, he probably doesn't want to know these days. Ever since Dean finished school, all he does is goes to bars, hustles, picks up girls.

And Sam hasn't even seen his father since he dropped them off at the motel almost three months earlier.

* * *

When the clock rolls around to eight thirty, Sam reluctantly gets off the couch, and grabs a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt.

He goes into the bathroom, and pulls on the clothes, careful to pull the sleeves right down over his arms. He no longer cares that they haven't been washed in weeks.

Sam then goes back out to the dingy main room, pulls on a thick hoodie, picks up his backpack, and walks out the door.

* * *

Halfway through his walk to school, Sam speeds up, and runs the last mile. He actually relishes the run to his school, despite the fact his body aches, and he hasn't eaten in days. _I really need to lose weight. Maybe he won't be interested anymore if I'm thin. _Is all he can think as it becomes almost a sprint.

* * *

Sam gets to school just after the bell. _Shit! Why couldn't I just run faster?!_ He is tempted to just run back home, but he resigns himself to the fact that this is going to earn him another 'one on one' detention, as he walks to his first class.

As he opens the door, his teacher Mr Klein, looks at him, barely hiding his plans for Sam, as he tells Sam. "Winchester. You're late, be here at three for detention."

Sam has to fight to maintain control, and not run away as he hears this. "Yes Sir." He replies resignedly, as he takes his seat.

* * *

Early in the afternoon, Dean wakes up in an unfamiliar bedroom, with an awful hangover, a pretty blonde curled up at his side. "Hey ..." He can't even remember her name.

The blonde rolls over, and supplies him with a name. "Tara. Yours?" Apparently she drank as much as him.

"Dean."

Formalities over, they quickly work their way back up to more sex, a lot more.

* * *

Lunchtime isn't much better than classes for Sam. He doesn't even make it to the small corner that he sits in through breaks, before a few jocks corner him around the back of the building.

In his worn out state, Sam doesn't have a chance to defend himself as they lay into him.

* * *

The next thing he knows the bell is ringing, and he's laying in the mud, with a pounding headache.

This is by no means an unfamiliar situation to Sam anymore, Dean used to 'persuade' them to leave him alone, but now he's gone, Sam is used as a punching bag at least once a day. So he just picks up his bag, wipes off the worst of the mud, and makes his way to his next class.

* * *

It is almost four thirty by the time Mr Klein is finished with him, and lets him leave. Sam has well and truly missed every bus, and as he gets outside, and sees the absolute deluge it just makes him want to lie down and die. He is hurting in ways that until a couple of months ago he didn't know were possible, and generally he is just tired, so tired.

Eventually Sam retrieves his phone from the bottom of his bag, and dials Dean's number. To his surprise, Dean answers. "What?" Sam knows this voice, this is the 'in the middle of sex, bugger off' voice.

"Dean. Can you come get me?"

Sam can hear Dean laugh at this, at him. "Why would I come get you?!"

Sam doesn't bother to reply, Dean is not going to come get him today.

"Exactly. So, you find your own way home, and I'll get back to the hottest girl in town. Okay?"

Sam can't believe this is what his life has been reduced to as he answers. "Yeah, see you later."

"Maybe, bye." Dean replies before hanging up, leaving Sam to walk home, alone in the pouring rain, in unimaginable agony. _Maybe at least the mud will get washed off._

* * *

When Sam gets home, he gingerly pulls off his filthy clothes, just leaving them in a pile by the door, as he goes straight into the bathroom, and locking the door, just in case Dean comes home.

Sam then goes to the cabinet, and reaches into a corner, where between the joins of the woodwork, he's hidden a small razor blade. His relief, his escape, his everything.

So, there he is. Sitting on the bathroom floor, dressed only in his underwear, so thin that every bone is clearly visible, pressing the sharp blade into the tender in flesh of his forearm. The new cuts criss-crossing uncountable previous cuts, all at various stages of healing.

* * *

Eventually, Sam stops cutting, it isn't helping this time. So, not even bothering to stem the blood running from the cuts, he walks out to where there are several weapons left out.

Sam picks up a small silver knife, which he knows they keep razor sharp, he's had to sharpen it enough times to know.

In almost a trance, Sam walks back into the bathroom, locks the door, starts the bath running, climbs in, and presses the knife into his skin, much harder than he ever has before, and slits from his wrist to his elbow, and then does the same on the other arm.

Sam watches with morbid fascination as blood pours from the cuts, as he quickly loses consciousness, and slips into the bright red water.

* * *

****

**Thanks for reading!**

Should I continue this?

I'd like to get ten reviews, otherwise, in my current frame of mind, I won't think twice about making this a death fic.

**And to my loyal readers who are waiting for the "Dying Days" sequel, I've started it, and as soon as I finsih writing the first chapter, you'll be reading it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. But christmas is almost here, so maybe? Who am I kidding? Kripke will never give them away, I sure wouldn't!**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, I really appreciate each and every one.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Dean returns to the motel not long after Sam's call, a phone call from your kid brother ruins the mood for sex like nothing else. As he unlocks the door, Dean almost steps on Sam's clothes which are barely a metre from the door. He looks down at them, and is disgusted by the absolute filth of the clothes, and kicks them aside as he yells out. "Damn it Sam, don't leave your dirty clothes here! I don't want to deal with them."

It is at this moment that Dean notices that there is water seeping under the bathroom door, furious that they're going to lose the deposit, Dean storms over to the door, and pounds on it, shouting. "Sam!"

No reply.

Dean tries again. "Open the hell up, Sam!"

No reply.

"What're you doing in there?!"

Still no reply.

Panic creeping into him, Dean shouts. "Sammy?! You in there?"

No response, just the sound of running water.

Trying to stay clam, and failing miserably, Dean yells. "I'm coming in." Before kicking down the locked door, and going into the room, ignoring the water on the floor.

Dean turns straight to the bath, and his heart comes to an abrupt halt as he sees the colour of the water that his baby brother's bruised, practically skeletal body is almost completely submerged in.

Dean drops to his hands and knees, and shakily presses two fingers against the side of Sam's neck. He releases a breath he hadn't realized he was holing when he feels a pulse, way too slow and weak, but there.

After turning off the taps, Dean, not caring that he is getting soaked, in water ...and his brother's blood, leans over the bath, and scoops Sam up in his arms.

It is alarmingly easy for Dean to lift his brother, Sam has always been thin, but this is crazy. He lies Sam down on the floor, grabs the towels off the rack, and wraps them around the deep slits in both Sam's arms, not allowing himself to think about what Sam must have done.

* * *

Once he's sure that the blood flow has slowed, Dean stands up, goes to the phone, and dials 911.

"Hello, how may I help you?" An emergency services operator answers the phone.

Dean can't believe the words coming out of his mouth as he says. "My brother slit his wrists. I found him in the bath ...There's so much blood."

In a calm tone, the woman on the other end of the phone asks. "Does he have a pulse?"

"Yeah, but it's pretty weird, really slow and weak." Dean tells her, turning around so that he can see Sam.

"Okay sir. I'm going to send an ambulance. What's your address?"

Dean pauses for a moment to remember what their latest motel is actually called, then answers. "Room eight, Shady Acres Motel."

"Okay. The ambulance will be there soon." Dean hangs up the phone as soon as the words leave her mouth, and he runs back into the bathroom.

Dean kneels down beside Sam, barely controlling his panic at seeing his brother in such a state. "Why did you do this Sammy?"

Dean stays sitting right there, keeping pressure on both his arms, whilst talking mindlessly to Sam, anything he can think of to avoid the reality, Sam tried to kill himself, and if Dean hadn't gotten home when he did, Sam might have died, he still could.

_Oh god Sammy. _

_What did you do? _

_I should have been here! _

_I'm so sorry Sammy._

_Please don't die._

* * *

Just as Dean hears a siren in the distance, the faint, but reassuring sound of Sam's breathing comes to a halt. "Sam!" Dean shouts, shaking Sam's limp body.

Realizing that Sam is going to die if he doesn't do anything, Dean starts doing mouth to mouth resuscitation, and doesn't stop until there is a knock on the door.

Dean jumps up, and runs to open the door, and then leads the paramedics back over to his brother.

As one of the paramedics, Kate places a mask over Sam's face, and forces much needed oxygen into his lungs, she asks Dean. "How long ago did he stop breathing?"

"...Maybe a couple of minutes. I did mouth to mouth." Dean tells them, unable to look away as the other paramedic, Pete starts IV lines in both Sam's arms, above the slits, and pushes in as much saline solution as possible, while Kate retrieves a laryngoscope, and an endotrachial tube from one of the kits.

"That's good." Kate says reassuringly as she takes away the mask, and skillfully puts in the breathing tube, before reconnecting the ambu bag to the tube, and squeezing it to give Sam oxygen. "How did he get these bruises?" She questions.

Dean shrugs, and feels awful as he tells her. "I don't know."

Just as Dean answers, Pete brings over a gurney, and he and Kate gently, but quickly lift Sam onto it, and begin moving towards the door. "We need to get him to the hospital fast, he's lost a lot of blood." Kate turns briefly to look at Dean, who is still standing by the bathroom door, too shocked to move.

Pete takes over maneuvering the gurney down to the ambulance, while Kate grabs a blanket off one of the beds, and wraps it around Dean as she guides him gently over to the ambulance.

* * *

In the ambulance, Dean rides in the back with Sam, watching as Kate monitors Sam, and pushes medications into his broken body.

While working on Sam, not looking up, Kate asks Dean. "What's his name? And yours?" After she realizes she doesn't know.

Dean thinks for a moment, he can't think of which alias they have been using, so he simply answers. "Sam. And I'm Dean."

_They're just kids, where are their parents?_ "Can we call your folks?"

_Good luck getting hold of Dad. _Dean thinks bitterly, before replying. "It's just our Dad, he's away on business. I'll call him when we're at the-"

Dean's sentence stops abruptly as the monitors start to shriek, and Kate calls out to her partner. "He's crashing!"

**

* * *

**

**TBC...**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Will Sam survive? Will Sam die? Either way, what will John and Dean's reactions to this?**

**Sorry about the cliffy! I am evil, I know this!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. **

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! I've been overwhelmed by the response to this fic.**

**I was going to post this last night, but I ended up in hospital overnight. Yeah, turns out that taking a bunch of pills isn't a great idea. Who would've guessed? *lol* Not planning to try that again any time soon, not fun!**

**Hope you enjoy chapter three!**

* * *

Kate motions for Dean to move back as she grabs the defibrillator, charges them, and presses them to Sam's chest to deliver an electrical shock to his heart.

She then looks over at the monitors. No change. "Step on it, Pete, this kid needs to be in the hospital, now!"

Dean watches helplessly as Kate shocks his brother's body again. He can't stop the tears, as he asks Kate. "What's happening?"

"Sam's heart stopped, probably because of the blood loss. I've gotten it started again, but he's still very sick." She replies after a moment, and before she does, she calls out to her partner. "He's back into sinus rhythm."

Dean hears her reassuring words, but all he can think is.

_How could I let this happen?_

_Why did he do this?_

_Could I have stopped it?_

_Is he gonna die?_

* * *

They arrive at Mercy Medical Center, about five minutes later. The paramedics rush Sam straight into a treatment room, Dean tries to follow, but an orderly help a nurse hold him back.

Dean kicks out, and tries to get away from them. "Let me go! I've gotta stay with Sam!"

Obviously the staff is used to this sort of thing, and the nurse calmly tells Dean. "Calm down. You need to take a seat in the waiting room, and as soon as Sam is stable, someone will come get you. But if you don't settle down, you will have to leave."

The threat of being taken even further away from his brother does the trick, and Dean stops fighting.

The nurse motions to the orderly to release him, and step back as she asks. "What's your name kid? Where are your parents? I'll need to call them."

"Already told the 'medics, name's Dean, and I'll call my Dad." Dean says shortly. Why does this matter when his brother is lying in a hospital after trying to fucking kill himself?!

The nurse is surprised by his attitude, but keeping calm, she says. "Okay. If you want to come with me, you can use the phone at the desk."

Dean merely nods, and then follows her over to the nurses' station. She hands him a phone, and he quickly types in his dad's latest motel room.

John answers after several rings. "Yeah?"

Dean can tell straight away that John is busy. "Dad. Um..." At this moment all Dean wants to do is cry, and beg his father to come home and take care of everything, but after taking a breath to calm himself, Dean says. "You need to come home Dad-"

John interrupts his son. He is in the middle of researching a hunt, and doesn't want to hear about whatever Dean is calling about. _Sam probably wants me to come to some stupid school thing._ "I'm busy, Dean. Can't you handle whatever's going on?"

Dean doesn't know how else to get through to his stubborn bastard of a father, so he simply tells him. "We're at the hospital. Sam tried to kill himself, Dad."

"What?" John questions. He must have heard wrong, Sam would never do that.

Dean sighs sadly as he repeats. "Sam tried to kill himself."

Dean can hear John put the phone down, and swear a lot before coming back on the line. "How?"

"I found him in the bath, he slit his wrists. There was so much blood, Dad. And I can't believe I didn't notice before, but he's gotten really thin Dad, really thin."

"Damn Dean, I thought you could take care of him." John says, the disappointment clear in his voice. "What hospital are you at?"

"Mercy Medical Center, it's near our motel."

"I'll be there in a couple of hours, Dean." John says quickly before hanging up.

As Dean hears the call end, he turns around to face the nurse, and tells her. "He'll be here in a couple of hours."

"Good." She replies simply, hiding her true opinion - these boys are just kids, what's their dad doing leaving them alone?

Dean then asks. "Can I see Sammy now?"

The nurse thinks for a moment before answering. "I'm not sure. How about you go to the waiting room, I'll go check on how Sam is doing? If his doctor agrees, I'll take you to see him."

_Not like I really have choice here._ Dean thinks before replying. "Fine." And following the nurse to the waiting room.

* * *

It takes over an hour and a half for the nurse to return, and by then Dean is looking about ready to kill the next staff member who walks through the doors without news on his brother.

The nurse walks over to Dean, and tells him. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Dean. We're very busy today." She takes a seat, and motions for Dean to sit beside her, being as exhausted as he is, Dean sits down. "I spoke to our pediatric intensivist, Dr Wilkes; he's overseeing Sam's care. Sam has been moved upstairs to the pediatric intensive care unit."

"Intensive care?" Dean asks weakly. _My brother's in the ICU! How could I have screwed up so fucking badly?!_

The nurse looks at Dean sympathetically. "Yes. He lost over half his total blood volume, and that caused his heart to stop, twice. They've stabilized him, but Sam is still in an extremely critical condition. He's lucky to be alive."

Dean can only nod in acknowledgement.

"You can go see him if you like, but only for a minute."

Again, Dean nods. He then follows the nurse towards the elevators.

* * *

About five minutes later, Dean reaches the nurses' station, and is promptly introduced to Sam's nurse, Kristy. She then takes him into a small family room, and sits down with him. "Dean, I just wanted to take a minute to speak with you before you go see Sam."

Dean says nothing; he still can't believe what's happened.

Kristy then tells him. "Sam is in a critical condition. He can't breathe for himself, so he's currently on a ventilator, but if he doesn't have any complications, he shouldn't be on that for long. And there is a number of other machines and pieces of medical equipment in Sam's room, try not to worry about it, it is all there to help him."

All Dean wants to do, all he needs to do, is see Sam, to apologize for not seeing that something was wrong sooner. "Can I see Sam now?"

Kristy nods, and stands up as she says. "Sure, follow me."

* * *

Kristy takes Dean over to Sam's bed, and wordlessly leaves him there. She can tell he needs some time alone with his brother.

Once she's left, Dean sits down in a chair beside Sam's bed, and cautiously takes Sam's hand in his own, being careful of the thick white gauze bandages encircling his wrist. "Damn, Sammy. Why did you do this? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? I would've tried to help." He pauses a moment before saying, with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Sam. I should have been there for you. I'm so sorry."

**

* * *

****TBC...**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please take a moment to review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. **

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! I've been overwhelmed by the response to this fic.**

**I couldn't resist writing and posting this chapter as soon as possible. I had a great idea for it, but you may not all see it that way. *laughs evilly***

**Hope you enjoy chapter four!**

* * *

When John gets back to Cedar Rapids, he goes to the motel before going to the hospital. Upon entering the room, John is stunned at the sight before him. Sam's clothes are still on the floor, caked in mud, and what he guesses to his disgust, is blood, the carpet outside the bathroom is soaked, and generally the whole room is filthy.

_There goes the deposit._

_Damn kid! Does he think at all before he does something stupid?!_

He doesn't even bother going into the bathroom, he just grabs a bottle of whiskey, sits down at the table, and drains what's left of the bottle in just a few gulps before walking back out of the room. Cursing his sons under his breath as he does so.

* * *

John arrives at the hospital about ten minutes later, Dean is sitting in the pediatric intensive care waiting room, still dressed in the soaked, bloodied clothes he was wearing when he found Sam. He's fighting not to fall asleep, even though his body is craving rest.

John strides into the room, and angrily stands in front of Dean, who hasn't even noticed him, and says. "Dean."

_Why does he always overreact when it comes to Sam? _

_Kid's just trying to get attention._

Dean jumps in surprise; he hadn't even heard John walk up to him. He then turns to look at his father, trying not to turn away when he's assaulted by the strong smell of alcohol on his breath, not for the first time in the past couple of years. "Dad." His voice is hoarse, John figures that he has been crying, but even that doesn't make him understand the severity of the situation.

"How long is this going to take? I need to get back to the hunt." John questions heartlessly.

Dean sighs sadly, tiredly, as he answers. "Sammy's in the ICU, he isn't going anywhere soon." Then, gaining strength, and anger at his father's lack of concern, Dean stands up, and yells at his father. "How can you even think about a hunt now?!"

"People are dying, son. It's more important than Sam's little stunt."

Upon hearing this, Dean is seeing red. "How can you even fucking say that?!" He shoves John as he says. "Your son tried to kill himself, he is in the ICU, not even able to breath for his goddamned self! And you think this was just to get attention!?"

John is furious that his son is being so rude to him. _How dare he?!_ And in a fit of rage, he pushes Dean to the floor, and doesn't even notice when he doesn't get back up, as he storms over to the nurses' station, and demands to see his child.

The nursing staff, unaware that he anything more than a worried parent, let him straight through. And a moment later, John is standing at his youngest son's bedside.

He is taken aback by the sight of the ventilator, and various pieces of medical equipment surrounding the bed, but in his rage he can't stop to think that Sam could have done this for a much more serious reason than attention seeking.

John pulls a chair up to the bed side, and settles in for a long wait. The moment Sam wakes up, he's going to hear exactly what John thinks about this.

* * *

Meanwhile in the waiting room, an elderly couple walk into the room, and just as they are about to sit down, they notice something in the corner of the room. The man goes closer, and sees that it's a man, Dean, knocked unconscious, from hitting his head against the now dented wall, he guesses. "Oh my god." He whispers, before going as quickly as possible out to the nurses' station, and telling several of the nurses. "There's someone unconscious in the waiting room, it looks like someone hit him; his head's bleeding."

That's all it takes for the nurses to rush into the waiting room, Sam's nurse, Kristy is amongst the small group.

* * *

By the time they enter the room, Dean is starting to come around. Kristy rushes over, and wraps her arm around him, so that he doesn't try to stand up, but at the same time doesn't fall back down. "Dean? What happened here?"

Dean blinks a few times, trying to focus before he answers. "Dad." He starts to fight Kristy's hold on him. "Gotta keep him away from Sam; he's drunk."

They all exchange shocked looks as Kristy takes a gauze pad from one of them, and presses it against a gash on the back of Dean's head as she tells him. "Okay, we'll alert security. Just relax, Dean." She then turns to one of the other nurses, and asks. "Can you call security? And then go find a wheelchair, Dean here will need to go down to the emergency department to get checked out."

The nurse nods, and then hurries out of the room, followed by the other nurses, who all need to return to their patients.

* * *

By the time Dean has been seen by a doctor, had the gash sutured, and gone back upstairs, he is relieved to see that John is gone.

Dean hates that he is actually relieved that his father isn't there. He loves his father, but ever since Sam and John started fighting, John has become increasingly ill-tempered.

And then John, for all intensive purposes abandoned them, and that lead to Dean being irrationally angry at Sam for their Dad's absence.

Which Dean thinks is the reason Sam tried to commit suicide.

Sam is still lying unconscious in the bed, as pale as the sheets he's lying on.

Just as Dean sits down tiredly beside the bed, Kristy walks into the room, comes over to him, and asks. "How're you feeling now? Better?"

Dean nods, and as he looks at Sam, a thought enters his mind. "What's going to happen now?"

"What do you mean?" Kristy asks uncertainly as she takes a look at the neat line of sutures on Dean's scalp, and nods approvingly.

"Now Dad's not here. Are you going to call social services?" Dean has to fight back tears as he adds. "Sammy needs me; please don't let them take him away. I stuffed up, but I'll do better from now on."

Kristy looks down at Dean, and with regret in her voice, she tells him. "I don't know."

* * *

**TBC...**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Do you like how I've portrayed John in this fic? Or not? How evil am I? Sam's unconscious, and now Dean faces the possiblity of having Sam taken away from him.**

**Please take a moment to review, and let me know what you'd like to see next.**

**And please check out the poll on my profile page, I've added some new options!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. **

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! I've been overwhelmed by the response to this fic.**

**Sorry for the delay, again.**

**Anyways, Happy New Year! Now on with the fic.**

* * *

It takes the social worker barely twenty minutes to show up in Sam's room. She quickly walks over to Dean, and extends her to him. "Hello, I'm Cate, from social work. You are...?" She enquires in a casual tone, putting Dean at ease.

Dean shakes her hand, relieved to get a relaxed worker. "Dean. Sam's brother."

"Good to meet you." Cate then motions toward Sam's unconscious form, and says. "How is he going?"

Sighing, Dean tells her. "I don't know, the docs didn't say much."

Cate pulls a chair over, and sits down next to Dean. "I'll get one of the doctors to come talk to you when we're done, okay?"

Finally looking away from Sam, Dean looks over at Cate, and gratefully says. "Thank you."

Then getting back to business, Cate enquires. "Is it alright if I ask you some questions?"

Almost as a reflex, Dean stiffens. He forces himself to relax before he replies. "Okay."

"Are you and Sam close?" Cate asks Dean.

Dean laughs at this; until a few months ago he would have said yes without hesitation, but now... "Not lately. Our Dad's been gone a lot, and when he was here, Sam would start fights, eventually Dad just didn't come back. I blamed Sam, we haven't been talking in the last few months."

Cate nods knowingly, feeling sorry for this young man in front of her who clearly has more to deal with than anyone his age should. "So you haven't seen your father in months?"

Dean merely nods exhaustedly.

"That must have been tough." Cate sympathizes, she then asks. "The nurses told me that you were the one who found your brother. Can you tell me about that?"

"..." Dean hesitates before answering. "I came home, and Sam had left all his stuff in the doorway, and there was water coming from under the bathroom door. I yelled out to him, I was pissed off. We can't afford to lose the deposit, you know?"

"I know. What happened next?"

Dean sighs, and glances at Sam's body, he then says. "I stormed over to the bathroom, the door was locked, and Sam wasn't answering me. I kicked down the door, and then..." He swallows hard, and angrily wipes away the tears that threaten to fall. "...I found him ...there was so much blood, I thought he was dead."

"Oh god." Cate whispers before she can mask her shock at hearing this, and tells him something that she thinks he will be glad to hear. "The nurses told me that you're worried that Sam will be placed in foster care."

Dean, who is now turned to face Sam, nods.

"Well, from talking to you I can tell that you care about your brother. So I don't think it will be a problem for you to get guardianship of Sam. If that's what you want."

"Of course it is." Dean says quickly, then more quietly he adds. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Cate replies before gathering her bag, and walking out of the room.

* * *

It is early the next morning before Sam begins to regain consciousness. Dean is resting in an uncomfortable armchair in the corner of the room, the strain of the past day having caught up with him.

The first thing Sam is aware of as he wakes up is a tube protruding from his mouth, he panics, he can't breathe.

He tries to pull out the offending tube, but quickly discovers that his arms are tied down.

Within seconds, Dean appears at his side. He must have heard Sam struggling. Dean takes Sam's hands in his, and reassuringly tells him. "Calm down, Sam. You're alright, just relax."

Dean continues to soothe Sam until Kristy and a doctor hurry into the room a minute later.

* * *

About five minutes later, they are alone again, and Sam is free from the ventilator, but still held firmly by the restraints. Sam can tell that they've given him some pretty strong medications, and they're making it hard for Sam it think.

_Why am I here?_

_I know I should remember._

_Damn it!_

Sam looks up at his brother, and when he sees tears in his eyes it only adds to his panic.

_What happened? _

_Did something go wrong on a hunt?_

_No, we haven't been on a hunt in months._

_Then what-_

Then, suddenly assaulted by realization and memories, Sam pitches forward, and throws up all over the bed.

* * *

**TBC...**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please take a moment to review, and let me know what you'd like to see next.**

**And please check out the poll on my profile page, I've added some new options! And thanks to those wonderful few of you who already have.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. **

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! It's really great.**

**This will probably be the second last chapter, depending on stuff.**

**And just to let all my wonderful readers know - I've got a lot going on right now, and depending on some things, this might be the last chapter I post for quite a while. But, I promise that i am try to finish as my of my fics as possible in the next couple of days. I hope you'll all stick with me, it may take a while, but I will finish all my fics.**

**Now, on with the fic.**

* * *

Sam is so hysterical by the time Kristy comes running back into the room, that she is forced to administer a sedative. Once Sam has slipped back into unconsciousness, she begins to strip away the bed sheets, as she asks Dean. "What happened, Dean?"

Dean, who is still standing by Sam's bedside, looks over at Kristy with a slightly panicked look on his face. "I don't know." _I seem to be saying that a lot lately._ "I didn't say anything, he didn't either, then he just..." He trails off, and then in a tired, broken tone, he adds. "I don't know why."

Seeing Dean's distress, Kristy stops what she is doing, and goes over to Dean. "It's alright, Dean. Sam is going through a lot right now, he needs time to process it, and while he's doing that, it's expected that he'll have difficult times."

"But what am I meant to do?" Dean asks with sadness clear in his voice, he hates that Sam is suffering so much, and he doesn't know how to help, what happened to Sam that was so bad that it ended up like this?

"Just be here for him, listen to him, and comfort him-" Kristy is suddenly interrupted.

Sam suddenly sits bolt upright in the bed, crying out in terror.

Dean goes straight to his side, and unknowing of the nature of Sam's nightmare, he wraps his arms tightly around Sam's shaking body.

Sam practically jumps through the ceiling, crying out. "Get away! Don't touch me!" And then with the fear and desperation even clearer in his voice, he says. "Please let me go, please."

Despite his surprise, Dean complies, he lets go of Sam, and backs away from the bed a couple of metres before saying. "Sammy? What's wrong? It's just me, Dean."

Sam ignores him for a moment as he fights to control his breathing, but once he's marginally calmer, Sam looks over at Dean, and almost as if he was expecting someone else, he says. "Dean?"

"Yeah, it's me, Sammy. Just calm down, it's alright." Dean soothes, as he cautiously moves closer to Sam again.

Now realizing that it is only his brother, Sam can calm himself down. He then, quite meekly says. "Sorry, bad dream."

"Figured that." Dean says before he suddenly asks. "Did it have anything to do with why you tried to kill yourself?"

"No, of course not." Sam replies a little too quickly, and under Dean's glance he changes his answer. "...Maybe ...Completely."

As Dean sits down on the edge of the bed, carefully watching that Sam is alright, he notices in the corner of his eye that Kristy is leaving them alone.

Once he's seated, Dean works up the courage to ask. "Sammy, can you tell me why you did it? Please."

Sam looks at Dean angrily, and says. "So now you care?! Where were you when-" Sam stops himself mere seconds from revealing his awful secret, but Dean can tell that Sam was about to say something.

Dean cautiously, but firmly asks Sam. "When what? What happened to you, Sam?"

With extreme hesitance, Sam begins to tell Dean something that was a long way from anything Dean expected. "Not long after I started at school here, one of the teachers ...he was looking at me, I didn't think he'd do anything, but... um, about a week later, he gave me detention, just him and me." Sam pauses as he fights not to lose control again, as he does so, Sam looks over at Dean, and sees the shocked, horrified expression plastered on his face. "You don't want to know the rest, Dean. Really you don't."

"Please, Sammy." Dean pushes gently, not sure he wants to hear this, but feeling that he has to.

Sam looks on the verge of crying as he continues. "It kept happening, I tried everything to stop him, but it just kept happening. He liked the way I looked, said I still _looked just enough like a chubby kid_, I was fat, but I can't lose enough weight, and he kept doing it. No matter what, I kept happening. I couldn't take it anymore."

Dean looks nothing short of horrified as Sam keeps revealing the truth.

"I started getting sick all the time, I was so tired. You remember how much kids would beat on me at our other schools?"

Dean can only nod numbly.

"You'd always stop it, but now..."

Dean works it out, and sadly enquires. "The bruises?"

"Everyday ...for months." Sam tells him, knowing that it's going to hurt his brother, the brother that had always looked after him, and has now let him down.

Dean then questions insistently. "Names." His tone is deadly, and it is clear to Sam that if he tells Dean the names of his abusers, Dean will go after them, and despite everything, he really doesn't want that.

"No, I'm not going to tell you." Sam says as he turns away from Dean, and weakly says. "Can you please go? I... please stop looking at me, and go. I can't take it right now."

"Alright." Dean replies, forcing himself to keep his emotions in check as he stands up, and leaves the room.

* * *

It is late that night before Sam lets Dean back into the room. And the first words out of Dean's mouth are. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I should've been there for you. Please forgive me, Sammy."

Without hesitation, Sam replies. "I never blamed you, Dean. It was my fault, not yours."

Dean doesn't even know how to respond to that, and he just sits down in a chair in the corner, and settles in for the night.

* * *

By lunchtime the next day, the doctor has been to see Sam, and he has ordered for Sam to have a NG tube put in to give him nutrients, and put weight back on. Shocking, Sam isn't happy about this, and the staff has been forced to put him back in restraints.

Ever since he heard about the feeding tube, Sam has been freaking out about the mere thought of gaining weight, and Dean hasn't eased up at all in his attempts to calm him down, with little if any success.

* * *

Over three hours later, Dean has only just settled Sam down, and gotten him to accept the restraints and feeding tube when the social worker, Cate walks into the room. She greets Dean quietly, seeing that Sam is resting. "Good afternoon, Dean. How's everything going?"

Dean shrugs wearily, and then asks. "Why are you here?"

Cate remains expressionless as she tells him. "The judge has made a decision on your guardianship request for Sam."

* * *

**TBC...**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Please take a moment to review! Let me know what you think.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the characters. **

**Here's the last chapter of this fic, sorry it's so short, I really needed to finish it up quickly. I hope you've enjoyed reading it, and would like to thank everyone who's reviewed this fic, I couldn't have done it without you!**

**BTW: Happy Australia Day everyone! It's actually been a pretty great day here at the coast, I just got back from watching the fireworks! *yay***

* * *

Dean stands by Sam, and holds his hand comfortingly, just in case, as Cate tells them. "Dean, you've been granted guardianship of Sam." Finally she smiles as she says. "Congratulations."

Dean nearly collapses with relief upon hearing this, after all the mistakes he's made recently, he was sure they'd take Sam. As he lowers himself into a chair so that he doesn't fall down, Dean says genuinely. "Thank you."

Cate continues to tell Dean about all the rules and regulations he will need to follow to be allowed to keep Sam living with him, but Dean doesn't hear a thing, too focused on Sam, and the knowledge that they won't be separated.

* * *

The next day, Sam has a major outburst, again about the feeding tube, and as soon as he's calm again, one of the nurses takes Dean out into the hallway, and says to him. "Sam has a lot of problems, we really need to consider whether it would be in Sam's best interests to continue as we are, or to arrange for him to be transferred somewhere that will be able to offer him more."

Dean looks at her uncertainly, surely she can't be suggesting that he have Sam committed? "What?"

The nurse smiles reassuringly, having been around Dean, and people like him many times, and can tell what he's thinking. "There are private, voluntary clinics that often have specialized eating disorder units, and they are used to treating patients like Sam. Maybe you should consider it."

Dean thinks for a minute, and then agrees. "I will, thanks."

* * *

Several days later Sam is transferred to a clinic about an hour away from where they've been staying.

* * *

Not long after Sam has been settled into the clinic, Dean finally figures out who Sam's abuser was, and without telling Sam, he goes back to Cedar Rapids. He finds Mr Klein sitting in his lounge room, sleeping.

Dean has to suppress a shudder at the thought of the man in front of him hurting Sam in such an unimaginable way.

Without any mercy, Dean pulls a hunting knife from the band of his jeans, and focuses on the thought of how many children this man has hurt as he castrates him right there, on the couch. He ignores the brief screams before Klein passes out, and without any regret, Dean stabs the knife through Klein's heart before he walks away, pulling his jacket around himself to hide the blood splattered all over him.

* * *

As soon as Dean has stripped off his blood-soaked clothes, he goes to the clinic to visit Sam. When Dean enters Sam's room, Sam is sitting on the bed, reading a book, but as Dean walks closer, he looks up at him, and in that instant, Dean can tell that Sam knows what he's done.

Dean tries his best to ignore the feeling as he sits down on the side of the bed, and starts talking to Sam about whatever he can think of.

But no matter what, despite the fact that there's no way Sam could know what Dean has done, it remains clear to Dean that Sam knows.

* * *

Two months later, Sam is making good progress at the clinic. He's had the feeding tube taken out the day before, and the doctor has informed him and Dean that he'll be able to go home in the next few days. Unbeknown to the clinic staff, and Sam, Dean has been living in the impala since not long after Sam was admitted, and this is what prompts him to make a call.

The phone is answered on the second ring. "Hello, Jim Murphy."

Hearing his father's trusted friend's calming voice on the other end of the phone makes Dean feel just a bit better as he replies. "Hey, Jim. It's Dean Winchester."

"Dean, what can I do for you? Is your father alright?"

The concern in Jim's voice makes Dean laugh bitterly as he replies. "Last I heard he was fine, drunk, but fine."

There is a noticeable pause on the other end as the pastor tries to work out what is going on, eventually he asks. "Are you and Sam alright?"

"...I'm fine." Dean begins before he says. "Sammy, some shit happened, and he's not doing so well. He should be getting out of hospital soon, and we don't really have anywhere to stay. Can you-"

Jim interrupts. "I'll have the spare room ready for you when you get here, is there anything you need?"

Dean thinks for a moment before he answers. "No, thanks Jim. We'll see you in a few days ...Thanks."

**

* * *

**

Epilogue

Six months later

Sam and Dean have been living in Blue Earth with Pastor Jim ever since Sam was released from the clinic, and Sam is recovering very well. Sam has regained most of the weight that he had lost, and although he still has to fight to control his eating patterns, and since he's started at his new school, panic attacks.

They haven't seen or heard from John since the hospital incident over eight months ago, apart from one call to Jim to see if he knew where they where, he said he didn't.

The only times that Dean leaves Sam, and stops completely mother henning him, are when Dean goes to his 9-5 job at a local garage to pay for their living expenses that can't be covered by credit card fraud any more, when Sam goes to a day unit at the clinic, two days a week, and when Sam is at school.

Other than that, Dean is with Sam 24/7, watching him, helping him with everything, usually just being a brother, albeit a very overprotective, concerned one, as always.

* * *

**The End!**

**Thanks so much for reading! I know the ending was rushed, but I hope you enjoyed it any way.**

**I'd love to hear what you thought of it.**


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